He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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