I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
