Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
