On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
tell me about the eggs
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