Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
