I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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