my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
