$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
