dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
