I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
