My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
