So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just gift wrapped bread.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
