Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
