If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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