my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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