Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How does one acquire holy water?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
