grandma shit on top of the toilet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
