Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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