Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
