i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
