you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
