Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
