she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
