I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
