WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
