So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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