i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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