Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
