i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
