I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
