i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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