using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
