i jhust puked up my retainher.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
