I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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