I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
