Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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