Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
