3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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