Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
