I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
