Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
