i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
