she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
