I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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