If i could tip my vagina, i would.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
