One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
