just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
