Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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