mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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