im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
