I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
