is your mom at the bar?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
