If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
