I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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