it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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