why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
