You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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