Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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