so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
