I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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