3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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