I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
