You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
