I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the day after is always just damage control
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
