First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
